I'll keep you posted.
I have an idea. It's gonna take a bit of a minute to implement.
I'll keep you posted.
Memorize some of these knee-slappers, and share them at the next social gathering you attend. You will certainly be invited to the next social gathering, so don't use all of them at once.
Once you've used up all of these jokes, I cannot guarantee you will be invited to any more social gatherings. Use them wisely. You have been warned. This will be your only warning.
I don't carry many regrets around with me in my life. I think we make our decisions as we go with the best tools and information that we have at the time, so I let a lot of things go. There are a few regrettable moments, however, and here's the story behind one of them...
I grew up almost exactly two miles north of Detroit. I was a pretty average kid, but with allergies and a love for books and movies, I wasn't exactly the "outdoor-sporty" type. To this day, I'm pretty incompetent dealing with a situation that requires me to make a ball go a certain way, or catch said ball.
Still, because my dad was into baseball, I had a passing knowledge of the Detroit Tigers, and rooted for them. I knew many of the players' names and their positions. Summer didn't feel like summer until I heard Ernie Harwell's voice on WJR. I played Cub Scout softball for a couple of seasons, but with little interest, and not very well. I think I may have hit the ball once, and caught it never.
I had a favorite player though: Dave Rozema. I have no memory of why. I think it was because I had a glossy 8x10 photo of him, probably from some promotional giveaway. It just as easily could have been because his middle name is "Scott".
On May 13, 2014 the internet was stunned to learn that it was losing one of its best friends, "Space Oddity (Performed by Chris Hatfield (Canadian Astronaut))." Many were upset that Mr. David Bowie would demand such a thing be taken down after receiving widespread acclaim, respect and imaginary awards.
I was upset too! How could David Bowie do such a rotten, horrible no-good thing? He's married to Iman! There's no way she'd let such shenanigans ensue! His son, Duncan directed the movie "Moon". A movie about space. Outer space!
Turns out, the answer is more complicated than that, but this being the internet, we only pay attention to the beginning of any story published, share the link with outrage, then go to bed, satisfied that we have accomplished greatness.
Here's an article detailing the complicated legalities behind it all. Unfortunately, it's written in Canadian. (I ran it through Google Translate, but there's so much legal jargon, my computer got sad and mopey and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day.)
The basic gist of it is: One of the richest men in music has not lost his damn mind. We can all still be friends with David Bowie. He's a righteous dude.
This week "Edge of Tomorrow", starring Tom Cruise and his freaky smile opens in theaters across America.
Yes, Tom Cruise has a freaky smile.
Jim Kirk is listening to the Beastie Boys in the latest Star Trek movies.
"Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys mentions "Mr. Spock".
Would this not blow the mind of Kirk, once he heard his friend mentioned in a song written hundreds of years before they were born?
Will this be addressed in the next Star Trek movie? I think it should be a major plot point.
I like to think I'm a pretty smart fella. However, I have deleted the words "effect" and "affect" from my written vocabulary. I never know which one to use. Mnemonic devices have been suggested to me over the years. I promptly forget them.
I know that "special effects" and "cause and effect" are correct, and I know how things affect me, but anything beyond that is beyond me. I will go to great lengths to avoid using these words. I'd rather not use them at all if I think I'm going to look silly using the wrong one.
Do you have any words or phrases that you avoid for similar reasons?
May 31, 1991, CIMX-FM in Windsor, Canada (which broadcast into Detroit) changed its format from Adult Contemporary to Alternative Rock. Many stories can be told by many people about what happened after that day, but I was lucky enough to be the last DJ to do a show on the nightly "Cutting Edge" program from 11pm-4am.
I'm fat, too.
Here's why: food in America is cheaper than it's ever been. We all eat way too much, too often.
I can't really say I'm a fan of Phil Collins, although I was a fan around 1985 just like the rest of Planet Earth.