Memorize some of these knee-slappers, and share them at the next social gathering you attend. You will certainly be invited to the next social gathering, so don't use all of them at once.
Once you've used up all of these jokes, I cannot guarantee you will be invited to any more social gatherings. Use them wisely. You have been warned. This will be your only warning.
Once you've used up all of these jokes, I cannot guarantee you will be invited to any more social gatherings. Use them wisely. You have been warned. This will be your only warning.
Person 1: Knock, knock.
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Irving.
Person 2: Irving who?
Person 1: Irving Kleinman.
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Irving.
Person 2: Irving who?
Person 1: Irving Kleinman.
One day in class, the teacher asked, "Who knows how to spell 'subcutaneous'?"
Johnny raised his hand and the teacher called on him. "Yes, Johnny?" she said.
Johnny said "s-u-b-c-u-t-a-n-e-o-u-s".
"That's correct" said the teacher, and she proceeded with her lesson about skin.
Q: How many weirdos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
Johnny raised his hand and the teacher called on him. "Yes, Johnny?" she said.
Johnny said "s-u-b-c-u-t-a-n-e-o-u-s".
"That's correct" said the teacher, and she proceeded with her lesson about skin.
Q: How many weirdos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
A duck walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist gently and quickly shoos him out.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: I am so sorry! I'll get you a new bowl of soup.
Customer: Well, I don't want the same soup. Who knows how long that fly was in there?
Waiter: That's a good point. Would you like a different soup?
Customer: No thanks. I'll just take my entree.
Waiter: I understand. I'll take the soup off the bill.
Customer: Thank you.
Waiter: I am so sorry! I'll get you a new bowl of soup.
Customer: Well, I don't want the same soup. Who knows how long that fly was in there?
Waiter: That's a good point. Would you like a different soup?
Customer: No thanks. I'll just take my entree.
Waiter: I understand. I'll take the soup off the bill.
Customer: Thank you.
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. About an hour later, after socializing with the bartender and fellow bar patrons, he safely drives home. He wisely only had one drink.
A plumber knocks on the door of a customer. A very sexy lady, dressed in her nightgown answers the door.
"Oh!" she says. "I wasn't expecting you for another couple of hours!" And she quickly closes the door.
"My paperwork says 10am, ma'am!" the plumber shouts through the door.
"Ok, give me a minute!" The lady shouts.
After a brief wait, the lady (dressed in jeans and a T-shirt) lets the plumber in, and he replaces the hot water valve leading to the bathroom for an affordable price.
A plumber knocks on the door of a customer. A very sexy lady, dressed in her nightgown answers the door.
"Oh!" she says. "I wasn't expecting you for another couple of hours!" And she quickly closes the door.
"My paperwork says 10am, ma'am!" the plumber shouts through the door.
"Ok, give me a minute!" The lady shouts.
After a brief wait, the lady (dressed in jeans and a T-shirt) lets the plumber in, and he replaces the hot water valve leading to the bathroom for an affordable price.
The star baseball player was in a slump. He just couldn't hit the ball.
"Maybe your career is over" said a teammate.
Sadly, it was.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: No one knows, but she's back in the coop now, safe and sound.
"Maybe your career is over" said a teammate.
Sadly, it was.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: No one knows, but she's back in the coop now, safe and sound.
Mom and Dad took young Jimmy and his sister grocery shopping. Jimmy saw a pregnant lady and asked his parents "Why is that lady's tummy so big?"
"She's pregnant" said Dad.
"Oh" said Jimmy.
"Good job asking us about it politely and quietly. I'm proud of you" said Mom.
"I love you" said Jimmy.
"We love you, too" said Dad, and they all shared a hug.
"She's pregnant" said Dad.
"Oh" said Jimmy.
"Good job asking us about it politely and quietly. I'm proud of you" said Mom.
"I love you" said Jimmy.
"We love you, too" said Dad, and they all shared a hug.
A man goes to a psychiatrist. He says "Doc, I don't think people like me."
"Why do you think that?" Asks the psychiatrist.
"I don't know" says the man.
The psychiatrist says "We can definitely talk about this. I see we take your insurance here. Would you like to meet every week at this same time?"
The man replies "I sure would. Thanks, doctor."
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